I remember when my wisdom first began speaking to me.
It was in college, and I was in the midst of a major Dark Night of the Soul.
I was depressed, exhausted and tired of trying to fit into a world that simply… well, didn’t fit.
My mental, physical and spiritual health was in big trouble and I was in a constant state of running...
Running to the next exit from what wasn’t working in my life.
Running from decisions about my future.
Running from the pain of the past.
Running from myself.
I was learning the hard way that, as the saying goes, “wherever you go, there you are”.
I couldn’t get away from my own imbalance, no matter how hard I tried. And as I sat alone in my dorm room one afternoon, I felt Spirit approach.
It was my dear Wisdom Guides. They spoke loudly and clearly…
“We will get you out of this darkness, but you must follow our guidance. If you do not, you will die young”.
I knew the guidance they were talking about.
I needed to change my living habits and pay attention to my spiritual well-being once and for all.
They showed me visions of getting cancer or heart disease by the time I was 30 due to stress, a terrible diet and the cigarettes I smoked. It was time to get serious about my own healing.
But being young (though never really care free), I always wished I could keep playing the foolish games of youth, throwing caution to the wind.
I wanted to blend with the normal world around me.
There was only one problem… I was never “normal” in the usual sense of the word.
If you’re spiritually sensitive, I know you understand this…
My sensitivities made it difficult for me to carry negative energy and toxic lifestyle choices for long. A little empty fun and complaining here and there was fine… but as a daily habit, it just smothered my inner world.
No matter how painless it “seemed” for everyone else to live in these ways, I was dying both inside and outside.
My lowest point came after a particularly hard day.
I realized that no part of me could relate to the life I had created for myself up to that point.
I found myself so focused on the pain of separation, from both my physical life and my higher source, that I actually wondered what it would be like to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.
This is a bit disturbing, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you the awful truth…
I actually imagined it would feel like the ultimate bliss… to finally be at peace, to shake the heaviness of the world, to return to my Source… how could that not sound like bliss?!
In that moment, I felt my own destructive tendencies hit an all-time low, and it scared me.
I only had that sad and violent thought one time in my life, yet I realized I was still slowly killing myself every day because a part of me wanted all of the awesome feelings that could come from no longer being subjected to the chaos of a world that didn’t fit.
And that one dark fantasy was the thing that finally turned me towards the light.
But How? You may ask.
Because everything I had learned up to that point about spiritual awareness informed me that my intellect had officially gone haywire, and the illusion of control had run entirely too deep.
I’d started believing in the illusion that I was lost and broken, when in truth I just forgotten my wholeness.
I had become dangerously disconnected from my Higher Source.
This chaotic space was compounded by my fear about what I would find if I dealt with the grief and disappointments from my past… and how in the world I would manage the confusing life in front of me.
Wedged squarely in between the most frightened parts of myself, my spirit requested my attention, in her still, small way.
She wanted nature, quietude, safe and loving relationships, awareness, beauty and softness.
Instead, I had been giving her too much concrete and television, too much empty socializing, junk food, judgement and self-cruelty.
I immediately sought professional help for my depression and began the fascinating journey of awakening to my true self.
And as I moved towards strength and wholeness, I was afraid I would lose everything that was familiar to me in the process. (Fear has a funny way of making things up to keep us down…).
Regardless, I knew it was the only way I’d be able to bear living in this crazy world. I had to honor my spiritual self, stop silencing my truth and let my intuitive freak flag fly!
After graduation, I crawled back into my family’s nest to figure out what was next.
And during that time of review, maintenance and re-orientation, I saw a vision of my healed life. As I took a few baby steps in the right direction, opportunities started to flow towards me.
-When a Soul friend invited me to psychic development class, I accepted (and stayed with it for 10 years!)
-When another told me about a great therapist, I did the work it took to heal some major wounds from childhood.
-When I was informed about a hypnosis for weight loss class, I took part until 90 lbs of “safety” weight was fully released.
And there were so many other miracles, from daily messages on what to do and not do to honor my healing, to helpful spirits and living people emerging from the woodwork to lend a hand.
Facing my underlying feelings of disconnection was hard sometimes, but it was necessary in my empowerment process.
I shed many tears and sometimes felt I couldn’t take any more, yet still… we cannot heal what we do not see, and for being able to see it all so clearly, I am forever grateful.
This is because I came to understand that while I was doing the work of discerning my intuition and choosing to take action on it, it was Spirit’s wisdom that orchestrated all of the miraculous changes I underwent.
You see, when you honor illusions, fears and expectations, life gives you more of them. Balance simply slips through your fingers, as you continue searching for the next external thing to help you feel less lost.
Likewise, when you come from a space of wisdom, balance and self-love… life responds to you in kind, providing opportunities to practice your wisdom, love yourself more, grow out of old patterns and to evolve into your ideal self.
When I developed my Empowered Wisdom Program, I worried that I would miss some steps in teaching others to find the spiritual empowerment that I’ve found.
That is, until I realized that was still the illusion of control talking.
Wisdom created who I am today, and Wisdom made my program for those who are ready to break free of their own negative illusions and take better care of themselves in the meantime.
I am simply a way-shower, a holder of light.
A humble channel of some higher grace.
And so are you, my friend.
Are you dealing with some darkness now or wonder why your past has been filled with so much challenge?
Schedule a free Wisdom Discovery Session and let me know what you’re going through.
No matter where you are on your healing journey of spiritual empowerment…
May wisdom be your guiding light from this day forth.
Highest & Best Always,
P.S. Ready to find some crystal clarity in your own life? If so, what are you waiting for? Schedule a call with me today and discover new possibilities for a wise and empowered life.